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The magic of buy-in Part I

On July 4th covering ,

Here’s something I see all the time with couples, families, music groups, and businesses of all sorts.

Somebody has an idea that will affect everyone, and some risk is involved. The idea could be “let’s go to a movie” or “let’s go camping” or “I think we should approach X manager for representation” or “let’s make this capital investment”.

All of these ideas require agreement form the other parties, and all of them could go badly or well. The movie could be lousy, it could rain, the manager might be the wrong one, the investment might turn out to be bad. Got it?

Now, with some of these families/music ensembles/businesses, once everyone has decided to go ahead, there is no whining or recrimination. There is a feeling of “we all signed on to this, and whatever rain falls falls on all of us. We are in this together”. Let’s call this Type I.

With some others, whenever a drop of rain falls, the pointing fingers come out. “I never wanted to go camping in the first place”, “the investment was your idea”, etc. Call this Type II.

It’s easy to see which groups will survive adversity and which ones will disintegrate. It is a world of difference. I bet you can think of when you’ve been in Type I relationships/teams/etc and when you’ve been in Type II. Think of how different they felt. Where do you feel most free to offer ideas? Where do you feel that others will back you up when you take chances? Where do you feel you have to watch your back?

What kind of team/family/etc do you want to be in? What makes for a family that survives adversity, a business that’s agile enough to adapt to market changes, or a band that’s resilient enough to survive success?

Business people call it Buy-In to describe the thing that Type I’s have that Type II’s don’t have.

What do you do in your relationships that makes for a Type I place versus a Type II place? What dark impulses and fears make you finger-point or withdraw from your buy-in, that makes it more of a Type II place?

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